Receiving feedback: The 'Sponge' effect

Most people would like to know how the world interprets their behavior. However, there are a handful of those that are willing to take cognizance of their flaws, real or perceived. Feedback plays a seminal role in one’s performance. The impact could differ from person to person. It all depends on how one receives the feedback.
 
Broadly speaking, these are the most likely outcomes of any feedback process:
  • Imbalanced positive feedback can occasionally lead to overconfidence, leading to complacency and a dip in performance.
  • Balanced positive feedback could boost confidence, leading to enhanced motivation to do better.
  • Imbalanced negative feedback frequently de-motivates people, resulting in low morale.
  • Balanced negative feedback challenges people to overcome barriers and achieve their potential.
 
 
People generally react in different, often unpredictable ways to feedback. And there are various factors at play here. Some of these include:
  • Relationship with the person giving the feedback
    • Does one trust them
    • Does one believe they will give feedback with the right intent
 
  • Manner in which the feedback is being given
    • Is it being given constructively or with the intent to damage morale
    • Is the verbal and non verbal communication of the feedback provider helping the message contained in the feedback
    • Is the feedback objective or being given in a subjective and irrational manner
 
  • The timing
    • Is the time right for both the feedback giver and receiver
    • Are the two entities (giver and receiver) under any pressure or emotional stress
    • Is there a time constraint that may prevent either the giver or receiver of feedback, from providing their entire attention to the feedback process
    • Has the feedback receiver been able to come out of the situation yet, or is their mind still wrapped around the event – in which case they will not be able to absorb the feedback
    • Has too much time elapsed since the event and the feedback being given – in which case memory of the event would be fuzzy in the mind of both, giver and receiver
 
  • Environmental pressures
    • Is the feedback being given in private or in front of others
    • Is there a relationship between the two parties that may interfere with the efficacy of the feedback in this situation
    • Are both people (giver and receiver) in a comfortable environment at the time of the feedback
 
  • Personality
    • The ability to give and receive effective feedback is also dependent on the personalities of both people
 
As one can see, there are a significant number of factors that may impact the effectiveness of feedback. Be that as it may, the ultimate responsibility of how feedback is perceived lies with the person receiving it. If one indeed wants to take away value from the entire process, one needs to become a ‘sponge’. Like the latter, one would then absorb all that is said. This entails listening. Actively listening to all that is said during the feedback; avoiding selective listening that may make us focus only on that which we want to hear. It isn’t easy and even seasoned professionals find it difficult to keep their cool and retain their equanimity when faced with highly critical feedback. However, if one is actually able to become like a ‘sponge’, it becomes easier for the other person to share details they may otherwise have been wary of doing. Either way, the receiver benefits! Once all the information has been absorbed, one can decide how to process it – perhaps you may want to validate some of that feedback with other people too; or maybe you would want to introspect and ask yourself why you behave the way people say you do. There could be a multitude of questions, and each question will have its worth. However, processing happens after absorption. The latter takes precedence!
 
In conclusion, if one wants to be an effective receiver of feedback, here are a few pointers:
  • Listen to what people have to say
  • Stay open and avoid being defensive
  • Avoid being judgmental about the person providing feedback
  • Discuss and clarify if you don’t understand something
  • Exhibit an open and positive verbal and non verbal communication while receiving feedback
  • Appreciate the person giving you feedback; thank them for their effort and time
  • Validate the feedback with others if it is starkly different from what you feel
  • Act on the feedback provided and seek feedback again on how you are doing now
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